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June 3, 2008
how to fail
by sven at 12:37 pm
Sometimes I find it useful to write myself reminder lists like this:
1. Success
Don't allow failure to be an option. Work yourself as hard as possible, no matter what the cost. Product is all-important; process doesn't matter. You can think about a sustainable lifestyle after the big job is done.
2. Quitting time
Don't have daily quitting times. Give the project everything you've got -- your first waking thought, your last moments before falling sleep... And let it hover in your subconscious with worry even while you sleep.
3. Time Goals
Don't set goals for how much time you're going to invest. Just work as hard as you can. Follow the level of motivation that you feel at the moment -- and if motivation is flagging, then berate yourself. Remember, if there's a set limit on how much time you're going to put in, then you might miss out on putting in a few more hours for your maximum possible output.
4. Calendars
Take one day at a time. Stop looking ahead on the calendar. Lose all sense of context. Let your time horizon narrow down to just this day, just this moment. Nothing matters except how good or bad you feel right now.
5. Other Responsibilities
Let go of all other responsibilities. Do nothing except this one project, day after day until it's done. When it's all over, you can catch up on bills, emails, dishes, relationships.
6. Planning
Don't spend any time planning -- looking at the calendar, collecting to-do lists, figuring out goals and plausible schedules. That takes away time that could be spent working productively.
7. Food
Snack on candy. Give yourself little treats for motivation and get into a cycle of mood crashes.
8. Sleep
Ignore sleep. Get into a habit of staying up late. Or repeatedly cheat sleep by going to bed late AND getting up early... That way you can develop a significant sleep deficit in just 2 or 3 days.
9. Alarm Clocks
Don't use an alarm clock. Just follow your body, going to bed when you're tired, and waking up whenever you do so naturally -- even if that's after noon. (And don't bother to keep notes tracking your sleep patterns.)
10. Exercise
Don't exercise. Stay glued to your chair until you start feeling chest pains. Instead of walking several times a day, wait until health becomes a crisis.
posted by sven | June 3, 2008 12:37 PM | comments (5) | categories: writing
Comments
Is this a realistic portrayal of your life at present? Sounds pretty harsh!
So, what can you do about it? Maybe a more reasonable deadline? Shoot for the NEXT festival perhaps? Present the film unfinished, a progress report?
Posted by: darkstrider at June 3, 2008 9:00 PM
ack! yes, i look at this list and think, "that's what sven's doing." does this mean you think you've failed?
Posted by: gl. at June 3, 2008 10:12 PM
Wow! It's like you're in my head! I've been working on balancing work with the rest of life, not always an easy task. When I find the magic wand that makes it so, I'll let you know.
Posted by: Alesia at June 5, 2008 9:25 AM
Yeah, it's pretty realistic summation of life as I know it. With a few mild exaggerations... Haven't actually been letting the dishes pile up much before getting them into the washer. :P
The fact that I'm writing about it, though, indicates that I'm on an upswing. I think I hit my "hitting bottom" moment earlier this week... Insomnia-based fatigue finally got to the point where I was just too tired to think, no matter how hard I tried to muster will-power.
I've decided to kill any notion of putting in 40 hour weeks on this thing. Experience shows that 20 is OK, 25 a challenge, and 30 my max. (At least where CG is involved.)
Maybe setting more reasonable weekly goals means that I don't get LSGL done for the Lovecraft Filmfest this year... Which would be incredibly hard to swallow... But setting limits is probably the only way to get through this with my health and sanity intact.
I also have another new strategy: to only do renders at night, and to work on preparing scenes during the day. There's an option for outputting single frames which you can compile manually later on, rather than outputting directly playable QuickTime animations. It means that I can abort my render when I get to the studio in the morning, and then start it up again in the evening -- with no loss of data.
Decent strategy... The only problem is that I find myself suddenly in the middle of a render that's going to take around 80 hours to output. There's no way I could get that done if I were only rendering at night. So right now, there's nothing to do but start the job running and wait.
On the plus side, because the machine is occupied, I've got an enforced vacation for a little while. On the negative side, it means that I can't be pushing forward -- I just have to sit out the time in limbo.
Posted by: sven at June 6, 2008 3:37 PM
@gl.-"How to Fail" doesn't mean I feel that I've failed. It's meant to be tongue-in-cheek. As in, "If what you want to do is crash and burn spectacularly, here are step-by-step instructions for how to do that."
I've written lists about how to stay well while working on big projects before... It felt like it'd be a little more fun this time to instead use the reverse psychology approach on myself.
Posted by: sven at June 6, 2008 3:44 PM