you are here [x]: Scarlet Star Studios > the Scarlet Letters > death of a friend: elena raymond
<< before
stopmo sketchbook: ball bounce
after >>
q&a with richard williams and some stopmo pros
October 28, 2008
death of a friend: elena raymond
by sven at 11:05 pm
My friend Elena Raymond. She died on October 14 at St. Vincent's Hospital. I held her hand as she breathed her last breath.
She had a genetic disorder that was progressively stealing her ability to control her muscles. At 37, she had a maximum of 5-10 years left to live, and even the basic activities of living were becoming hardships.
Many years ago she decided to commit suicide rather than wait out a slow, suffering death. We tried everything to improve her life... She saw therapists, doctors, and social workers. But the 24-hour care she required was going to bankrupt her, and soon she was going to lose her home and job. She decided the time had arrived.
The overdose she took didn't kill her immediately. She was in the hospital for six days, kept alive by a breathing tube. I participated in the decision to remove the tube. We were lucky: At the end, family and friends had a chance to say goodbye -- and she was conscious enough to respond.
I knew Lane for 15 years, having met during the aftermath of another friend's suicide. During the last few months I was very involved in the struggle to keep Lane going.
Before she made the earnest suicide attempt, she went to the hospital three times, afraid that she'd hurt herself. Each time, I helped plot what steps to take next when she got back home. I helped her to employ caregivers, make applications for funding, and was researching adult foster homes.
I always knew a time would arrive when she would need increased care -- and that this transition would trigger her plans for suicide. So, I was reasonably prepared to jump in and help when the tipping point finally arrived this year. The fact that I was so engaged with the final struggle has helped somewhat to inoculate me against shock, depression, and self-recrimination...
But this is hard, even so.
I'm holding together. It's just about done now. We've emptied Lane's house. Friday we had the memorial service. I was the keynote speaker.
My favorite memories are from when Lane, myself, and Jackie did a road trip to Disneyland together. It was our big birthday present to Lane, a reward for her getting through a tough year after being dumped by her girlfriend. She loved the Alice in Wonderland tea cups ride. And we had a lot of fun when we caused one of the older Disney rides to stall -- twice!
Goodbye, Lane. You'll be missed.
posted by sven | October 28, 2008 11:05 PM | comments (10) | categories: miscellany
Comments
Oh God.
Sven.
How horrible her suffering, how brave her heart.
How remarkable your friendship at the points she needed help the most.
When I say, May God bless you for what you've done for Lane, I hope you receive the love and peace intended.
My sympathy to all who knew, loved, cared for, and now lost her.
Rest in Peace.
Posted by: Shelley Noble at October 28, 2008 11:28 PM
Thank you, Shells.
Posted by: sven at October 28, 2008 11:36 PM
Sven, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. Lane was (and all the rest of us are)very lucky to have a friend like you, with such strength and warmth. All my love goes out to her family and friends.
Posted by: ubatuber at October 29, 2008 7:59 AM
Sven,
I'm thinking of you a lot and of Elena. Thanks for the "Moose" picture--that is so her.
I can't quite wrap my mind around not seeing or talking to her again. Thanks so much for keeping me informed and for all the wonderful ways you have been Elena's friend.
I know how much your being there at the end meant to her.
Posted by: Serena at October 29, 2008 12:56 PM
Thank you, Uba.
You're welcome, Serena. I have more photos I'll be sending out to folks soon...
Posted by: sven at October 29, 2008 3:42 PM
Dang man!
I have never really known death....and this really hits me . Sadness
Super cool that you were there for her on that level.....and we gots to appreciate what we have people!!!
so lucky!
jriggityPosted by: justin rasch at October 29, 2008 4:15 PM
Very sorry, Sven. Your words and the pictures tell us a lot about your friend and the friendship you shared.
You done good.
Posted by: michael5000 at October 29, 2008 9:27 PM
Oh Sven, I'm so sorry for your loss. Lane was blessed to have you by her side. Wishing you peace...
Posted by: Alesia at October 31, 2008 8:18 AM
Sven, I'm so sorry. It's never easy, even if you've had the time to prepare yourself. I'm so glad that you were able to be there for her, and be with her.
Posted by: shuju at November 2, 2008 10:14 AM
Justin, Michael, Alesia, Shu-Ju: Thank you.
I'm beginning to pick up my life again and get moving... I feel like I've been possessed by the demands of each day's new crisis for so long... It's wonderful to be able to begin thinking about what I want to do with myself again -- with some sense that I can actually follow through.
I really appreciate everyone's support.
I usually play my personal life close-to-the-chest publicly... But this is the sort of event where I need to let people know what's going on, or else it'll seem like I'm living in a different universe from everyone else.
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.
Posted by: sven at November 5, 2008 2:07 PM